In Thailand there are many states of the heart. You can have a black heart(jai dam), a good heart(jai dee), a broken heart (seer jai), a hard heart(jai kang) and you can even have water of the heart(nam jai)- which implies generosity. There are many instances in which I find myself now able to express myself in Thai but not in English as there are certain expressions that are just not as effective when translated. Language gives new perspective on the world. Langauge gives you new ways of expressing yourself and new ways of thinking about things. At times language gives you things to think about that you would never have thought of before. There are concepts that I have learnt in Thailand that can never be fully expressed in English, and certain concepts in English that cannot be fully expressed in Thai. It is only when you embrace the language and are able to communicate in it that you really are able to understand these concepts. Language really does make our lives richer- it helps us to see the treasures in people and cultures that we never would have understood otherwise. What was strange, just becomes normal. Something you could never describe now becomes a part of who you are... even though there may not be a word for it in your mother tongue. Living in Thailand has shown me how to express what was always in my heart- I hope to learn many more languages and express myself in many more ways in my life. For the human heart longs to understand and to be understood. 

thrill seeking

Someone once told me that of all the people he knows, I will always be the first one to climb up the wall. I think what he meant was that I often don't appear to think much about things before I dive into them. I find this an advantage in life as I'm the kind of person who if left to think too long, I will probably get bored with the idea and never even start.

There are certain things that are not positive about this aspect of my personality style however- for example, those people who are always first to take on a challenge often don't think about the consequences of the challenge until they are half way through it. It's a mentality of "if i start right now I will get there sooner" hardly ever thinking that some things must take time. Patience for people like me must be developed over time.

I find that I often have days when I wonder how I got myself into what I'm doing. Of course I know the answer and I know that I want to be doing what I'm doing, but sometimes I just wonder how it all happened so fast. Many people in Thailand tell me that many people are called here, but few actually come, and even fewer stay for the long haul. It makes me think that God knew me and knew that I would come, but that if I had too much time I would have perhaps moved on with my life and just looked back at the idea of living in Thailand as a good idea that I had and never did.

I'm glad that I've been designed the way that I am. Even though it means that I'm sometimes left half way up the wall, wondering how I got there- I also know that once I'm half way up I will make it to the top, because there is no way that I would turn around and go back. There is too much joy in finishing a challenge. For me it's not so much thrill seeking as it is seeking to overcome the fear that is when you start to wonder how on earth you ended up so many metres above the ground(or hanging from the end of a bungee rope for that matter). It's all about diving right in before the fears about what may happen can overcome you. Once you're up there, all you can do is overcome them. 

"I'm melting!"

About three weeks ago Noiy convinced me that it would be a good idea for us to buy baby rabbits. It took a lot of convincing but eventually I gave in. We fell in love with our two little bunnies spending all of our free time playing with them and making sure that they were happy and healthy.

Apparently we are not so good at looking after rabbits though, as the first one died after a week and the second one died just before we had had them for two weeks. I know they come from Thailand, but I have a feeling that they died because they like the heat in Thailand about as much as I do.

We are heading into summer at the moment and the heat is starting to become unbearable. I keep thinking about the donkey in Shrek saying "I'm melting, I'm melting!" That's what I feel like at the moment almost every day. I keep reminding myself that I've made it through numerous summers in Thailand before and that I will make it through this one. Some days I'm a little hard to convince though and on those days(like today) Noiy and I take a trip to the supermarket- the biggest airconditioned place in our town. We walk around for a few hours and then come home again when we feel like we can face the heat again. Perhaps if we had taken our bunnies with us once or twice, they would have survived for longer than 2 weeks:o) 

"Are you toilet?"

Sometimes when I teach, my students say exceptionally funny things without intending to. As with any student of any language, it is inevitable that they will make some funny mistakes along the line.

Yesterday for example I was teaching 5 teenagers, and we were playing a game in which they had to ask eack other yes/no questions. The game was going relatively well until one of the boys asked:' are you toilet?' Well that was practically the end of the class as none of the students could concentrate as they were all in stitches for the next half hour.

I myself have made some horrible language glitches over the years and I know that they key to learning a language is just to loosen up, make the mistakes and laugh at yourself when you do. It may be horrible when you make the mistake, but you have to get over it and keep learning. There is always something new to learn and a new mistake to make. 

in the beginning...

A few days ago my husband dicovered a small birds egg with no nest in sight. Inquisitive fellow that he is he decided to bring it home and try to hatch the egg himself and take care of the baby bird. Although I think he realised that the minute little bird would never survive once it had hatched, he was determined to keep it alive. We named it Genesis.

Genesis died today. It was more the sadness of seeing my husband so disappointed that he couldnt keep the little bird alive than my own sadness at seeing the bird die that really got to me.

It's a strange phase that we are going through as a couple. My husband grew up in circumstances where he didnt ever get to have pets, and so since we have been married we have had our fair share of animals in our home. I have never been very good at looking after animals. I always try very hard but they never seem to last very long when I am their owner. Sad, but true, had it not been for my husband I would have given up on having pets at all a long time ago.

Marriage is a constant learning experience. The process of learning to love someone to the point of sacrificing our own ideals so that they can experiece theirs. Sacrifices like these bring more joy than living your own ideal ever would. 

The background

Bronwyn Leigh Smith and Anucha (Noiy) Prommathat were married on the 30 July 2005. They now live in Ratchaburi, Thailand where Noiy was born.

Jesus is their first love, and they would both give up everythig they have for Him many times over. It is because of His love that they love.

Bronwyn is 23 and comes from Johannesburg South Africa where she lived until she was 21. She moved to Thailand in 2003, and has been happily living there since. 

Perfect love

What if there was someone who stood beside you through every circumstance,
overlooked every one of your faults,
took your hand when you needed to be lifted up,
held you when you needed to be comforted?
What if this someone had all the answers?
but let you find them for yourself so that you would learn and remember,and hopefully not fall into the same trap again.
This someone would love all the same things as you,
and not , only would they love seeing you do them, but they would love to share them with you.

They would love to see you smile, and would rejoice when you laugh.
They would wipe away your tears, and they would hold you until you were finished crying.
They would always be there. They would never leave and they would never change.
They would never judge you, would never forsake you and would always challenge you to grow.
If there was someone who fitted this description, they would be called 'Love'.
For it is not in our nature to be able to be all those things to one another.

But when 'Love' comes to live in us, it is our desire to be that person to everyone that we meet.
For that is His great desire. When 'Love' lives in you, His desires become your desires.
You don't become 'Love' but you become enveloped in 'Love' and can't help but want to give it away.
For 'Love' drives out all fear.
'Love' never gives up.
'Love' never loses faith.
'Love' is always hopeful.
'Love' endures through every circumstance.
God is Love.

"God is love and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect." 1John4:16b-17a